The Return of Psycho Saturdays - Far Cry 3 review by Knightedrik

Here it is folks, the moment you've all been waiting for.  The return of Psycho Saturdays.

This has been along time coming.. and I am finally able to continue providing quality entertainment for my twisted, sick as fuck, audience.

 So, without further ado, I give you.. The Psycho Saturdays Far Cry 3 Review.


Far Cry 3 Review by Knightedrik

Although I have not reviewed many games this year, and I am a bit late on this one.. just fucking read it. I mean, it's not like I don't have shit to do just like you people do. So, I am behind in my backlog of games a bit.  It's not my fault my wrists have been hurting, tell your mother to buy fuzzy handcuffs for next time.

 If you have come here expecting me to be bitching and complaining about this game, then your probably not playing this game at all..I will say this up front, this game is fantastic.. and if you do not own it, buy it right now.

The Good: 

 It seems like something happened at Ubisoft.. I think they finally remembered that they really do like making money.  I meaning, real money.. not just milking Ass Creed for the fourteenth fucking time.   Someone decided that they should make another Far Cry game.  And at the mention of the name Far Cry, I almost splattered malaria blood shits all over my chair.  For you see, the FC franchise and I.. we don't really get along. I still haven't forgotten the mouth fucking Ubisoft gave every buyer of Far Cry 2 for free. 

 And yet now, it seems like they took that Ass creed money, and used it to bring back the dead, per say.
"You remember Far Cry 2?" says Far Cry 3.. "Well, fuck that game.. fuck it right in it's aids ridden, malaria dripping asshole." 

 This game is so vastly superior to FC2, it's almost unbelievable. Where FC2 was a piece of maggot ridden shit, this game is like Just Cause 2 in first person, minus the cool zippy thingy.

 EVERYTHING has been improved, the graphics, the sound/music, the AI, everything.


The Bad:

In this game you play as a whiny suburbian cunt turned billy bad ass, Jason Brody.  And their in lies the only weakness I can find to this game. You die incredibly easy in this game. I'm serious.. one warm summer's night queef and Mr. Brody is taking his 1,344th dirt nap. The word pussy comes to mind. Alot. Verbally.


The Story:

 No, no.. I'm not in any way going to spoil this one for you.. But, lets say this. you play a pussy out for revenge for acts of unkindness placed unto a day gone to hell.. on a series of islands. Thus thrusting him into the role of hero of the day. That about sums it up.


The Gameplay:

The above being said, this game is insane. The sheer amount of choices you can make in solving a problem is staggering. Like to sneak in and kill people, no problem. Like to jump right in guns blazing, your covered. Like to ram a hang glider directly up someones ass.. you'll love it. You can even bust open a tiger cage, and watch the hilarious ass raping that follows. And all of your favorite killing weapons are included as well.. handguns, shotguns, assault rifles, sniper rifles, grenades, molotovs.. even the ass roasting power of a rocket launcher and grenade launcher.   There truly is something for everyone. And did I mention it's a completely open sandbox world for you to fuck up?.. Yes, there's that too.

       
 The Graphics:

Everything in this game is just beautiful. From the water effects, shading, the lush jungle, the sandy beaches, even the buildings and environments look great. the character models for the main characters could have used a bit more polish, but overall.. top notch. You will be lost as hell, and loving every minute of it.


The Sound:

Sound quality in games means alot to me, and it should mean alot to you too. If you are listening to this game through a tv set.. your not getting the full experience. You really need a 5.1 or 7.1 surround sound headset for games like this. And this game makes you feel right there, in the moment.. whether your bow hunting savage predators, or escaping gunfire.. the game does a sterling job of letting you know where you next mauling death is going to come from.


The Lasting Appeal:

With there being so much to do after the main quest line, you will be kept busy for weeks. Online multi-player, trials, co-op missions, etc. You could even steel yourself and hunt down every single fucking treasure in this game if you want to. Odds are a few years from now, you will be playing this one again.


The Trophies:

Pretty straight forward for an FPS/RPG. Find shitt, kill shit, blow up shit.. but there is one trophy in every game when your going for platinum, that I call the "Fuck you" trophy.. It's usually a bronze. This game is no exception. 

The "Never Saw It Coming" trophy/achievement will piss you right the fuck off if you do not understand just what it is that you are supposed to do. Yes, you can get this one easily close to the first of the game, but if you do not.. it becomes a complete mother fucking cocksucker. I did not make this video, but i hope it helps to clarify this trophy for you. It truly does help.

The Bottom Line:

Story: 7.0
Gameplay: 9.0
Graphics: 9.0
Sound: 10.0
Lasting Appeal: 8.0
Trophies/Achievements: 8.0

Overall: 8.0 Excellent