Alrighty then, guess who's back... Don't look at me like that.. it's not my fault.. the site was in pieces and I was chained in the basement. After chewing my way thru the ropes, I found out that the entire site had been changed up. Everything's new now.. and I am now able to post more reviews.
So, yeah.. Back to business.. I am the newest admin on TheGFGN.com so I guess I have alot bigger shoes to fill now. So, as always buckle the fuck up, cause it's going to be a bumpy ride.
Now, I have to ask myself.. "Why the hell would they want the insane guy to write the review on the insane game?" I guess they will think it's going to be "funny" or something... Well fuck them, I'm going to write this entire article and not be "funny" once. That will teach them to pigeonhole me. Fuckers.
After all, it's not like this game is that crazy.. I find crazier shit that this in my breakfast cereal. But, it does kind of some off as an "over the top" kind of thing.
I will try and do this review and have it contain no spoilers.. but it's not like I can see the future or edit this shit. You see, my keyboard has no delete key.. so, what you see, is what I write and what you get.
Sometimes a game comes along that makes you say "What in the unholy FUCK am I playing right now?"
And now we have another one! Shadows of the Damned is a game made by Grasshopper Manufacture.. Again, another company that I have never fucking heard of. I seem to be seeing a pattern here. Has everybody in the fucking world been instructed on how to develop for the cell processor now? I thought after the Discovery Channel got involved in this shit, that pretty much everyone had learned how.. but I guess I was wrong.
Anyway, Grasshopper Manufacture (GH for short) is the newest team to jump on the "let's fuck with the cell processor" bandwagon.. and as far as I know, and feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, this is their first game. So let's check it out shall we..?
The Good:
Although I fucking hate cunts that use the words "This game is a rip off of ________". But I am actually going to use that, in a way, here.. This game is rip off of Resident Evil 4.. kind of, but in a good way. You see the same viewpoint, the same laser pointer that guides the bullet, even the movement of your character is basically the same. But it this game seems to have succeeded where RE4 had failed.. THIS game contains actual FUCKING ZOMBIES! Well, they are demons.. but fuck you, I like to think of them as zombies. A floating skull named "Johnson" is along for the ride, and is kind of the sidekick of the journey. The comments between the two are beyond priceless. There is a decent upgrade system, making you a bit more powerful over time.. And tits.. yes, this game has tits.
The Bad:
The draw rendering has some issues, and seems to be on a 5 second stall. The sounds cuts out sometimes until you reload the game completely.
The Story:
The game is the classic tale of "Guy goes into the pits of hell to save his slutty girlfriend".. Pretty much, nuff said.
The Gameplay:
This game switches between the 3rd person over the shoulder view shooter, and side scrolling old school shooter (think Gradius, not Contra). It has a few mini-games thrown in for good measure, and each are pretty fun to play. The controls are damn near the same as the Resident Evil series, and equally tight. There are a few spots that use QTE's but they are few and far between, and well placed. There is no multiplayer aspect to the game, so that's one less thing to worry about.
The Graphics:
This is probably the weakest point of the entire game.. Everything looks murky and shitty, and like I said above the draw rendering seems to be stuck on a 5 second pause. Certain object refuse to render, and if they do.. they look strange. The game doesn't look terrible, but it's pretty far from the 5 star department.
The Sound:
The sound.. when it works, is actually quite good. It's especially good near the end of the game, and after the credits. But the game suffers from the music and effect cutting out and leaving you with a dull hissing sound at several point thruout the game. These are few and few between, but they do happen.
The Lasting Appeal:
This is where some people are going to have a split decision on this game.. it kind of comes down to the question of "Am I going for this platinum trophy of 1000 GS?". If the answer to this question is no.. then you might want to play thru this game again at a later date. If the answer is yes.. then...
The Trophies:
Like I said, if the answer to the above question is yes.. the you will have to play thru this fucking game 3 fucking times. Yes, you heard right.. the difficulty trophies do not fucking stack for some dumbfuck reason.. so it forces you to play thru the entire game 3 fucking times. But, of course, that good.. because you will have 3 fucking chances to collect every rem gem, used for upgrades, in the game in one run. If you miss one fucking single gem, your fucked for the entire playthrough.. and will have to start all over again. The rest of the trophies are pretty much "buy the ticket, take the ride".. aside from a few "get X number of headshots in a row" type trophies. So yeah, if you plan on getting this platinum trophy or 1k GS, then plan on wasting about 40 hours of your life on it. I did manage to get the platinum trophy on this game.. and there is another one available if you import the UK version of SotD, but hell no.. fuck that.. I'm done.
The Bottom Line:
Story: 6.5
Gameplay: 7.0
Multi-player: N/A
Graphics: 6.5
Sound: 7.5
Lasting Appeal: 4
Overall: 6.3
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