Pop quiz.. What do you get when you take a glass full of shit, a five dollar bill, and a gay pride parade.. and put them all in a blender for about 6 months? That's right.. you get Dragon Age 2.
Love it or hate it.. Bioware and EA went ahead and released this nearly unfinished piece of shit, just to give fans of the series yet another reason to kill themselves.
Is the game really that bad? Well let's find out..
The Good:
The story picks up basically a few years after the events of Dragon Age: Origins.. with the ability to even import your game save for sake of continuity. So, whatever the hell you did in the first game will be constantly referenced in this new... sequel. The graffics are on par with what you would come to expect from Bioware, and have been completely overhauled since the first game. Basically a little bit of dazzle, with a healthy dose of "we just didn't give a fuck" thrown in for good measure.
The Bad:
The story itself, while not bad, still is not that good either. It's one of those games where you don't give a shit about the characters while your playing the game, much less upon completion. The events of the Blight from the first game have damn near been forgotten in the minds of the people. I do have to reference the fact that all of the characters are bisexual, except for one.
The cast is as follows:
Hawk
The Champion of Kirkwall, bisexual human fighter/rouge/mage, evacuated from Lothering with his/her entire family in tow due to the Blight, including his/her sister Bethany and his/her brother Carver. Both are seemingly straight forward.. but it doesn't matter, because you won't have to worry about them for long.
Bethany
Sister of Hawk, and a mage..
Carver
Brother of Hawk, a fighter..
Aveline
A human fighter and Captain of the City Guard, ginger, bisexual.
Anders
Openly gay human mage, decked out in pimp clothes.
Merrill
Elven mage, dabbles in blood magic. Leaves her clan to join Hawk.
Isabela
Human Rogue, whore, huge tits, pirate, bisexual.
Fenris
Typical bullshit emo Final Fantasy-ish fighter, Elvan, moody cunt, bisexual.
Sebastian
The only DLC character so far, Sebastian is considered a rogue, human male, but comes off as more of a monk type character with a bow. The only character that won't have sausage for dinner.
A dog
What do you what, it's a fucking dog.
And there you have it, all the characters pretty much suck.
The Ugly
From a tech standpoint, this game is a fucking piece of shit. If you can think of a problem that a game would have.. this game has that problem. Jaggies, screen tearing, shadowing issues, glitching, glitches, a few times close to the end of the game the fucking sound cut completely out, forcing me to reload this shit. The game froze during my play about 20 times, again.. forcing me to reboot the console.
So, all in all, I would not recommend this game to a single person. I did stick around long enough to get a platinum trophy for completing this unholy slab of fuckness, although afterward I can't think of a single reason as to why.
Things that would be more fun than Dragon Age2:
1. Sticking your dick in an old fashion crank style pencil sharpener.
2. Taking a shit off the roof of the Empire State Building.
3. Beating yourself in the head with a hammer, and then telling yourself that Dragon Age Origins is the new sequel.
4. ANY OTHER RPG.
In conclusion, fuck this game.. I don't even care if there is a DA3.. because at this rate they'll probably have me fucking a goat.
Fuck you Bioware for yet again selling me an unfinished product.
Story: 5
Graphics: 7
Sound: 5
Gameplay: 7
Online: N/A
Lasting Appeal: 4
Overall: 5.6
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