Mass Effect 2 (PS3)

From time to time, a game comes along that garners so much praise that people just can't wait until it's release.  One such game is Mass Effect 2.

Now if your sitting there thinking.. "Is he really gonna review ME2?"

That's right, I am..

And for two reasons:

1. I don't agree with the massive amount of hype this game received.. and
2. I don't see any of our other editors tripping over their dicks to cover this grenade.

And now if your thinking "What the hell does he have against Bioware, First Dragon Age 2.. and now Mass Effect 2.."

Then I would have to say "Calm the fuck down.. we haven't even gotten to the review yet."

It's not that I have anything at all against Bioware, trust me I don't, It's just that they seem to be one of two producers of quality RPG's currently.  I'll give you a second and let your mind wander.. just to see if you guess who the other one is.                              If you answered "Bethesda", then you are correct.. now give yourself a cookie.

These two developers have become, pretty much, the best of the best when it comes to next gen RPG's. You have these guy's, and the other guys.. and when making a choice of which RPG to buy these days.. It's kind of like picking your favorite between two steaming piles of shit. Sure, this one's bigger.. but the other one's got corn AND sprinkles!

So, I'm kind of getting off topic, but I'm sure you get my point.  This has been coming for a while, so here we go:

Mass effect 2 Review

What we know...

What Gamefly tells us..

There is only one kind of mission in Mass Effect: the kind that has no hope for survival. Mass Effect 2 challenges you to lead another impossible mission. On the fringes of space, entire colonies of humans are disappearing. Hand-pick your squad of mystics, geniuses, and convicts, then set out on a suicide mission to find out what's been happening. Interact using an improved NPC conversation system that lets you interrupt or use force to get closer to the information you need. Fight with new weapons, target enemies with a new location-based damage system, and immerse yourself in hours of bonus content as the RPG franchise debuts on PS3.

What Bioware's website tell us..

Two years after Commander Shepard repelled invading Reapers bent on the destruction of organic life, a mysterious new enemy has emerged. On the fringes of known space, something is silently abducting entire human colonies. Now Shepard must work with Cerberus, a ruthless organization devoted to human survival at any cost, to stop the most terrifying threat mankind has ever faced.

To even attempt this perilous mission, Shepard must assemble the galaxy's most elite team and command the most powerful ship ever built. Even then, they say it would be suicide. Commander Shepard intends to prove them wrong.
Features List

Prepare for a suicide mission to save humanity
Choose between 19 different weapons
Devastating heavy weapons (that) can end a battle in seconds
Recruit a team of the galaxy's most dangerous operatives
Explore the galaxy — scan planets to uncover unique secret missions
Train and equip your team to survive insurmountable odds
Control your conversation with physical moments of intense action

Now, if you haven't played this game on the Xbox360.. then this is exactly what you have to go on. Well, this and a bunch of youtube videos made by mentally challenged people. I personally have never owned an Xbox.. so I decided to rent this game at Gamefly when it was released.

The following is an actual account of my experiences playing ME2..

The Difficulty

This game is not that hard.. their are a few spots when the word "FUCK!" is an understatement.. But for the most part it's not a hard game............. to me.

For the average gamer though.. Your going to get your asshole reamed.

Now, let me get one thing straight.. I'm not bragging about my skills or anything of the sort.  I'm just a hardcore gamer, and labels like "Impossible Mode" mean jack shit to me. I have the determination and willpower to sit through an unbelievable amount of getting my ass kicked.. and thru that I have just conditioned myself to play games on "Hardcore", "Hard", and "Impossible" modes. And I will say, this is a handy skill to have if your a trophy hunter.

That being said, the difficulty of this game is very scattered. You'll sail through about 2 hours of gameplay.. thinking to yourself "This isn't so bad..", Only then to be slapped with a mindfuck. (Fuck you Garrius, go ahead and die AGAIN you mother fucker!) These spots are few and far between, but they still exist.

The Graphics

Much like the difficulty, the graphics of Mass Effect 2 are kind of "scattered".  One moment, you'll think the game looks amazing.. and five minutes later.. you'll be asking yourself  "What the fuck just happened..?" I've seen a myriad of issues with this game.. textures not loading properly, screen tearing, lips not matching what characters are saying, landspeeders (fuck you, that's what it looks like..) completely falling thru objects.. etc.

It's feels very incomplete, and very unpolished.

The Gameplay

For the most part, I could not stop playing this game.. While not the best RPG ever, it's for sure not the worst.  Mining planets is the most boring shit I have ever done. But I actually went for the platinum for this game.. which I do not advise without a Microsoft spreadsheet, some lube, and a giant bottle of your favorite alcoholic beverage. My first run through, I was the nice guy goody-two-shoes character.. doing what I needed to in order to get all the trophies.. and my second playthrough I was a complete dickhead where all I did was get drunk, bang everyone, and then let them all die.

I had to play through the game twice for two reasons:

1. I'm too fucking cheap to buy a comic book, and..
2. I HAD to beat the game twice.

On a side-note though.. Watching Shepard silently weep over 8 caskets is one of the funniest cut-scenes in gaming history. (Or maybe I'm just an asshole..)

The Sound

This is the best part of the whole game.. The music is very rich and well done.  The voice-overs.. not so much.  It's clear they did the voice overs after they had already did the cutscenes, and then just kind of crammed that shit in.  Sometimes characters will "talk" and nothing at all is coming out of their mouths, and vice-versa.

The Story

It's not anything we haven't seen before. Typical sci-fi bullshit.  Guy recruits team, team overcomes odds, team saves the world.. blah blah blah.

The Ending(s)

I'm not going to sit here and spoil the ending(s) for anyone.. I'm just going to say this.. if your playing on "Impossible Mode", you have better have an epic fucking shit-ton of bullets when you reach the last boss. And that's not at all easy.

So, to wrap up..

Did I like this game? Yes.
Would I play this game again? Fuck no.
Do I recommend this game to others?  Only if your into S & M.
Will I be playing ME3? Begrudgingly
Will I beat this game for you?  No, Go fuck yourself, cheater.

Story: 4
Graphics: 6
Sound: 7
Gameplay: 7
Online: N/A
Lasting Appeal: 3



OVERALL: 5.4