The many, many fucking idiots of Amazon.com

Ok.. Whats pissing me off today?

Actually this ones been pissing me off for quite some time. Why are the sellers on Amazon.com so fucking stupid? Honestly.. It blows the mind. There should seriously be an IQ test given to you when you sign up. I mean.. it seems they can enter their payment information and everything ok.. but after that.. what the fuck happens?
So this will probably be the first of a few posts on the Amazon.com hilarity. I'm mainly posting this.. so people will read it and learn shit. Because so far it's a fucking joke. Here we go.. this is the top five things that piss me off about Amazon sellers:

5> People with zero positive feedback.

Once in a while you'll be seeking to buy shit on Amazon.. some new headphones, a new ps3 controller.. I don't know what the fuck you people like.. just insert generic shitty item here. Anyway, eventually you'll come across these people. The zero positive feedback people. This could also work for Ebay folks.. but fuck ebay, ebay sucks. And thats a different post altogether. Now.. common sense tell us, that if you screw up your first sale.. and piss off your first buyer. Then you might want to A> Quit selling altogether, B> Offer something for free to make buyer happy.. thus getting them to remove the shitty feedback, C> Kill yourself, or D> Pick two of the above. But alas not everybody knows what the hell they are doing. My advice to these people: Cancel your account, and restart.. but this time, dont be a complete fuck-up. Nobody's gonna buy from you if you can't even make your first feedback positive.

4> People with MASSIVE feedback.

Ok.. fuck you people. No.. not you.. the massive feedback people. How dare you sell something with a comment like:

"Why save pennies shopping with small time sellers, buy from us.. our feedback is 250,000 strong."

Fuck you people.. in the ass, with a rocket launcher. 250,000 feedback..? Fucker, YOU are a small time seller. What? You think you are the Wal-Mart of Amazon sales? And just because you had the available funds to buy up 20,000 copies of "My Name is Earl: Season 1", that your better than a seller with 85 continous positive feedbacks? And what the hell? Small time sellers ARE Amazon.. they make up like 80% of Amazon sellers.. and fuck you for pissing on someones American dream. What your really saying when you post an item with a comment like that is:

"Hi, buy from us.. We're complete dicks.. and we'll never, ever answer your email."

My advice to these people: Small time sellers are part of what makes this country great. It's the American dream to start up a small business and watch it grow. Instead of being a self-rightious dickhead, just do everybody a favor.. and throw yourself under a bus.

3> People who never answer emails.

Ok.. you were smart enough to create and account, input your finanical information so you can get paid, and post an item for sale. And lets say.. I happen to be scrolling thru the stuff for sale at Amazon.. and I see your item, and i'm and intrested buyer. So, I send you an email asking about the condition of the item or if it has everything that originally came with the item. And I wait, and wait, and wait, and what the fuck? It's been 3 days, and I still dont have an answer to my email question..?!? So..... you don't really want to sell shit? You just want people to know what shit you have? Because if I send you and email and you dont answer it.. at least within 72 hours.. that means 1 of 2 things: 1> You can give a fuck about my question. or 2> You won't send the item if I order it for at least 4 days. Either way.. what the fuck? My advice to these people.. Answer my fucking email. If you don't really want to sell shit, do what everybody else who doesnt want to sell shit does.. Open a shop at a flea market.

2> Video Stores that sell on Amazon

I mainly shop at Amazon for media. Mostly video games and DVDs. I do this because.. A> I can choose the condition of the item I want, and B> I hate buying from Blockbuster/Hollywood Video/Gamestop/EBgames/etc.. Now, that being said.. Why do I go to Amazon and see listings for some shitty video store in West Virginia? I'm sure I'm in the majority on this one.. When you buy something online, you want to get that item in the best condition as possible. Right? So.. why the hell do they bother to list shit like this:

"Item is in 'like-new' condition. Contains game (with many scratches), and book, in rental box. Artwork was cut so it will fit into rental box. Rental box and disc have a non-removable security sticker on them."

Now, I ask you, how the fuck is that "like new"? Who the hell would buy that? Especially since they charge moronic prices. What are they thinking? "Well they can either buy this game new for $12.99, or they can buy this piece of shit for $24.99.." Advice: Die.


1> Lame ass comments

Alright, this is the one thing that pisses me off more than anything about Amazon sellers.. and its two catagories of people. I purchase alot of Playstation 2 games from Amazon.com.. and these sellers shouldnt even bother posting items for sale:
A> The No-Comment People
People who dont bother listing a comment.. at all. The items decription is completely blank. It just says "like new" and if you order the item its like playing russian roulette, with a 9mm handgun. Your gonna get screwed. If they cant even post a comment it means that they are selling a piece of shit.. and theres nothing good they can say about this item.
B> The Too Little Information People
This is a widespread problem with Amazon.. but for this post we'll say that its mainly for video games. I am a collector, and when I'm looking to buy games, there's only 3 things I want to see in the listing. "MINT, Black label-not greatest hits, complete" That's all that need to be said.. it covers condition, version, and if the game has everything it supposed to have with it. No collector will buy "greatest hits" games.. ever. They are worthless. Well, you say.. I have a complete collection of greatest hits games... That's great! Do you have a lighter? Good.. light them on fire, they are worth nothing. Anyway, back on subject.. if you see a one word comment on a listing.. that word had better be "mint".. or don't waste your time and money.

Now.. I hope we've learned something today. If your an honest person.. and you have alot of games or movies and stuff you no longer want or need.. then please, by all means, start up your own Amazon sellers account.. We need more honest, educated people selling items. But if you are already an Amazon seller, and you fall into one of the above numbered catagories.. then please do everybody a favor:


BUY A BULLET, AND RENT A GUN.
(But don't forget to cancel your amazon account first.)



Thanks for reading,
Knightedrik