Thursday, November 14, 2013

We're almost there..

The countdown is almost over, and we have reached zero hour.

Tonight, alot of people will be happy, elated, exhausted and probably shot or stabbed over the Playstation 4.

 I say this because no one else will, but you know it's true, just wait until the news tomorrow.

 So, with that being said, I would like to call for "Gamer Martial Law". If you are leaving Gamestop tonight and you see a shadowy figure behind you lurking in the darkness... make sure you have some sort of defense.

Please, I do not condone undue violence.. But, please someone pack a 15 inch dildo with you to the release.. Because I would LOVE to see the news story "Would-be thief beaten half to death by 15 inch sex toy" on the news.

I will not be attending the release, I have gathered my PS4 by other means.

But history has proven they when you leave tonight, you will be preyed upon.

 Now for something of a lighter note.


Congratulations, you are one of the lucky few who will be receiving a console tonight, not everybody who wants one can say that.


 I took Sony's deal to upgrade Assassin's Creed 4: Black Flag to the PS4 version, Gamefly shipped me Need for Speed: Rivals, and we will be receiving Contrast and Resogun or whatever the fuck they call it on Tuesday for free.


 So, I already have 4 games for the new system.


Anyway this is just a note to remind you to be safe, remember to wear phone books taped to your chest as armor. Enough from me. Let's party. que the victory dance....




Saturday, June 15, 2013

The Madness of E3 - A Psycho Saturday Review by Knightedrik




Ladies and Gentlemen, This match is scheduled for Nine rounds..

In this corner weighing in at a sleek 3.2 lbs,  with an 80's eraser head haircut,  the console that does not want to be seen. PPPPPllaystation 4!

And his opponent, weighting in at whopping 406.3 lbs,  standing in a puddle of piss, with a snot bubble hanging out of his nose.. The Xbox ONE.

Ref: "Ok you two, I want a good clean fight.. no hitting below disc tray... When your both ready touch controllers and come out fighting."

Round 1... Ding!

Xbox One: "I'm gonna kill you"
 PS4: "We'll see about that."

Xbox one: "With me, you can chat with your friends on Skype!"

PS4: "Yeah, well fuck you.. I can play used games."


Round 2.. Ding!

Xbox one: "With Xbox, you can be online all the time, as a matter of fact.. it's mandatory!"

PS4: "I actually HAVE a life, and people will WANT to turn me on every 24 hours.

Round 3... Ding!

Xbox: "I see you've finally come over to the dark side and started charging people to play online.. you should have done that from the start. Dumbass"

PS4: "Yes if was free to play online for 7 years..  But plus subscribers get tons of free shit every year, and now they will continue to receive that awesome stuff, and play online for free.. We took the money from plus and build me, and made plus even better than it ever was. And yes, Did I mention plus subscribers will still get to play on for free!. By the way.. what the fuck did you do with the 200 million you made off live?"

Round 4... Ding!

Ps4: "And by the way, fuck Skype, on PS4 you can LIVE STREAM your friends game, and even take over and help them out."

Round 5... Ding!
.
.
.

PS4: "Fuck you Kinect.. stop staring at me."

Round 6... Ding!

Xbox: "Yeah well, at least we don't have a $700 price tag!"

PS4: "That was last gen, and we actually lost money with every PS3 sold. And by the way, suck my dick.. the price is $399" 

Round 7... Ding!

Xbox: "You know what, I'm leaving.. fuck you and your company.. I'm not even gonna bother to answer questions from my fans.."

PS4: "That's right, Keep on walking bitch.. See you in 7 years with your next piece of inferior shit!"

Round 8... Ding!

Ps4: "Who wants free shit?"

The winner and still heavyweight champion of the world.. Playstation 4!

Xbox: "I'll be back."
PS4"Your still here? Don't you have some people to pay off?"  

     

         

Friday, June 7, 2013

Microsoft’s Xbox One: Owning Your Video Games Is So 1994

Saw this today is TWSJ, had to post it.. THIS sums it up.

 

 

Microsoft’s Xbox One: Owning Your Video Games Is So 1994

The rules of gaming has changed: With Microsoft’s next-generation console, the Xbox One, video games will no longer be like books or old-fashioned music CDs.
Reuters
Anyone who did the bulk of their gaming in the Super Nintendo era would find much of today’s console market a bit tough to comprehend. Remember four kids sitting on a living room floor passing around two controllers? Those days are long gone, replaced by cinematic extravaganzas designed to be played alone, or against online adversaries. Mario Kart they are not.
But here’s a more subtle change coming up in Microsoft‘s next-generation console, the Xbox One: No longer will video games be like books or old-fashioned music CDs, self-contained content that works anywhere, anytime, and can be resold or lent to any of your friends. Xbox One games are part physical disc, part online service, and tightly controlled both my Microsoft and the game publisher.
Here’s an explainer from the company on how the console and its games will work. A few highlights:
- Games will not work, full stop, if the console has not connected to the internet in the last 24 hours.
“With Xbox One you can game offline for up to 24 hours on your primary console, or one hour if you are logged on to a separate console accessing your library. Offline gaming is not possible after these prescribed times until you re-establish a connection, but you can still watch live TV and enjoy Blu-ray and DVD movies.”
So bad luck if your internet gets cut – after a day, you can’t even entertain yourself with your Xbox games.
- You can’t sell your second-hand games to any store that might want to buy them from you:
“Today, some gamers choose to sell their old disc-based games back for cash and credit. We designed Xbox One so game publishers can enable you to trade in your games at participating retailers. Microsoft does not charge a platform fee to retailers, publishers, or consumers for enabling transfer of these games.”
Not only will games only be able to be sold to “participating retailers” — those retailers will only be able to buy games if the publisher has “enabled” them to be bought and sold second hand. And as Microsoft says, those publishers “may set up business terms or transfer fees with retailers” that will regulate the conditions of such sales on a game-by-game basis.
- You can’t just pass games around among your friends:
“Xbox One is designed so game publishers can enable you to give your disc-based games to your friends. There are no fees charged as part of these transfers. There are two requirements: you can only give them to people who have been on your friends list for at least 30 days and each game can only be given once.”
Again, game discs can’t just be handed around — first the publisher needs to “enable” the game to be given to a friend. And even then it can only change hands once. “Loaning or renting games won’t be available at launch, but we are exploring the possibilities with our partners,” Microsoft says.
All these terms are a big change from what has come before, and Microsoft seems to be aware that consumers might have something to say about the new deal:
“As we move into this new generation of games and entertainment, from time to time, Microsoft may change its policies, terms, products and services to reflect modifications and improvements to our services, feedback from customers and our business partners or changes in our business priorities and business models or for other reasons. We may also cease to offer certain services or products for similar reasons.
In the months ahead, we will continue to listen to your feedback as we meet with our partners in the ecosystem to bring additional detail about our policies.”
Worth watching in the months ahead: not just how consumers react, but how gaming studios and rival console maker Sony play the situation. Will the next Playstation come with a similar set of restrictions? And will be big game companies seek to cash in and charge fees for reselling second-hand games?
“This new generation of games,” as Microsoft describes it, is worth putting into context: It’s the final stage in the transition of video games from goods, sold as a physical object that you own, to services, delivered online in tandem with a disc you buy in a store.
You own an object, but you merely access a service.

"All credit for this piece goes to the Wall Street Journal."

Friday, May 31, 2013

WHAT THE FUCK FRIDAY! . 8 arrested after brawl at kindergarten graduation.


 



"A kindergarten graduation in Cleveland ended with eight people in detention — police detention — after an argument erupted into a sidewalk brawl. Families of students at the Michael R. White School were gathered for the end-of-year ceremony when two teenagers got into a dispute and stepped outside to continue it, said Roseann Canfora, a spokeswoman for the city schools. "There were no guns, but one individual did pull out a club or a stick and one person did grab a hammer," Drummond told NBC News."


This is completely fucking ignorant. this was a day for the children and adults had to fuck it all up. This is just sad, as these children look back upon memories, they have to remember this stupid bullshit.

I hope the judge kicks their asses. Fuck these people.


Sunday, May 26, 2013

Ultraviolet and Vudu and You... Psycho Saturdays review by Knightedrik

Today, I am reviewing this for Psycho Saturday. Even though this is not a "game" and Saturday was yesterday.. still bear with me here. 
I want to speak to you about something near and dear to my heart. 
Ultraviolet movies in the cloud. 
"What are UV movies?", You might ask..
Well, I'm sure you've been in the video department of your favorite store lately, and seen a sticker that looks something like the one above.  That means that inside the dvd or blu ray you are holding, there is an "Ultraviolet" copy of the movie.
If you buy one of these movies, and open it you will find a code. You go to www.uvvu.com and create an account.  Ultraviolet is a digital locker on the internet that stores all the digital rights of all the UV movies you own. 
Once you create an account with them, you'll then need to head over to www.vudu.com and set up an account with them as well, from there you will proceed to link the two accounts together and there you go. You now have a streaming storage account, and you can watch movies on your PC, PS3, Xbox 360, Roku Box, smart tv, or portal to hell.
 That being said, you can google Vudu Beta, and find a link to Vudu's disc to digital in home beta.
Upon doing that, and depending on if you have a blu ray drive in your PC, you can scan the disc in your drive and upgrade dvd movies for $5 and place them in your cloud. Blu Ray movies only cost $2 to convert.
Pretty soon, you will amass a giant collection of movies in the cloud.
Thanks for reading my review, see you next week..
Wait, what.. we're not done yet? Ahh god-damnit, Fine then.
What the fuck ever, I thought I did a fine review getting people into UV..
Don't look at me that way kitteh.
Ok then..you asked for it.
Fuck my life. What do you mean that was just the intro..

Well, it appears I have more to explain.


 It would seem simple enough, right?

Well, it seems your not smart enough for Ultraviolet.

Apparently, no one is..

Because this is the hardest god damned service I have ever used, and I am no where near alone.

Did I forget to mention that Vudu.com is ran by....


drum roll...


drum roll....


Yep, you guessed it.  You finally get something awesome, and an undead hillbilly "always" has to fuck it up.
It seems that there are multiple problems with this service, Not Ultraviolet mind you.. they have their shit stacked properly. 
It's Vudu/Walmart/spawn of the fucking devil.
I spent over 15 hours.. yes, HOURS. Setting this shit up.
Ultraviolet lets you add up too 5 other friends to share movies with.. so, you can all share. 
But Walmart says "Fuck that shit, you can only have 2 Ultraviolet accounts tied to 1 Vudu account".
 If you add a third account, you divide by zero, and your dick falls off.

From what I can figure, this shit works like a chain mail, fucking ponzi scheme.

It might go like this:

You make an UV account, and a Vudu account.. And so does a friend. YOU EACH add other people to your Vudu accounts, so they are leaching off your Vudu accounts, and not UV.

And so on and so forth, I have no fucking clue. It eludes me on how to add more then two people to my "gang".

If anyone has managed to do this correctly, please by all means, explain this shit in the comments.
 I currently have 202 movies that will stream to my PS3, and Agent from the podcasts is my movie partner. He can stream 209 to his PS3. And I added him to this shit. Also, on the Vudu website it says we own 254 fucking movies.
So what the fucking fuck!
FUCK!
Wal Mart can lick my sweaty nut sack.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

A Spark from the Ashes - Eruption Cover






Just when you think the kids of today are whining, entitled douchebags.. you see something like this. And they totally redeem themselves.

Tina S. here is kicking Eddie Van Halen right in the nuts, and she's only 14 years old. 

Yes, you heard that correctly, fourteen.

People, this is what talent looks like...

There might just be hope for saving music yet.



Saturday, May 18, 2013

The Return of Psycho Saturdays - Far Cry 3 review by Knightedrik



Here it is folks, the moment you've all been waiting for.  The return of Psycho Saturdays.

This has been along time coming.. and I am finally able to continue providing quality entertainment for my twisted, sick as fuck, audience.

 So, without further ado, I give you.. The Psycho Saturdays Far Cry 3 Review.


Far Cry 3 Review by Knightedrik

Although I have not reviewed many games this year, and I am a bit late on this one.. just fucking read it. I mean, it's not like I don't have shit to do just like you people do. So, I am behind in my backlog of games a bit.  It's not my fault my wrists have been hurting, tell your mother to buy fuzzy handcuffs for next time.

 If you have come here expecting me to be bitching and complaining about this game, then your probably not playing this game at all..I will say this up front, this game is fantastic.. and if you do not own it, buy it right now.

The Good: 

 It seems like something happened at Ubisoft.. I think they finally remembered that they really do like making money.  I meaning, real money.. not just milking Ass Creed for the fourteenth fucking time.   Someone decided that they should make another Far Cry game.  And at the mention of the name Far Cry, I almost splattered malaria blood shits all over my chair.  For you see, the FC franchise and I.. we don't really get along. I still haven't forgotten the mouth fucking Ubisoft gave every buyer of Far Cry 2 for free. 

 And yet now, it seems like they took that Ass creed money, and used it to bring back the dead, per say.
"You remember Far Cry 2?" says Far Cry 3.. "Well, fuck that game.. fuck it right in it's aids ridden, malaria dripping asshole." 

 This game is so vastly superior to FC2, it's almost unbelievable. Where FC2 was a piece of maggot ridden shit, this game is like Just Cause 2 in first person, minus the cool zippy thingy.

 EVERYTHING has been improved, the graphics, the sound/music, the AI, everything.


The Bad:

In this game you play as a whiny suburbian cunt turned billy bad ass, Jason Brody.  And their in lies the only weakness I can find to this game. You die incredibly easy in this game. I'm serious.. one warm summer's night queef and Mr. Brody is taking his 1,344th dirt nap. The word pussy comes to mind. Alot. Verbally.


The Story:

 No, no.. I'm not in any way going to spoil this one for you.. But, lets say this. you play a pussy out for revenge for acts of unkindness placed unto a day gone to hell.. on a series of islands. Thus thrusting him into the role of hero of the day. That about sums it up.


The Gameplay:

The above being said, this game is insane. The sheer amount of choices you can make in solving a problem is staggering. Like to sneak in and kill people, no problem. Like to jump right in guns blazing, your covered. Like to ram a hang glider directly up someones ass.. you'll love it. You can even bust open a tiger cage, and watch the hilarious ass raping that follows. And all of your favorite killing weapons are included as well.. handguns, shotguns, assault rifles, sniper rifles, grenades, molotovs.. even the ass roasting power of a rocket launcher and grenade launcher.   There truly is something for everyone. And did I mention it's a completely open sandbox world for you to fuck up?.. Yes, there's that too.


       
 The Graphics:

Everything in this game is just beautiful. From the water effects, shading, the lush jungle, the sandy beaches, even the buildings and environments look great. the character models for the main characters could have used a bit more polish, but overall.. top notch. You will be lost as hell, and loving every minute of it.


The Sound:

Sound quality in games means alot to me, and it should mean alot to you too. If you are listening to this game through a tv set.. your not getting the full experience. You really need a 5.1 or 7.1 surround sound headset for games like this. And this game makes you feel right there, in the moment.. whether your bow hunting savage predators, or escaping gunfire.. the game does a sterling job of letting you know where you next mauling death is going to come from.


The Lasting Appeal:

With there being so much to do after the main quest line, you will be kept busy for weeks. Online multi-player, trials, co-op missions, etc. You could even steel yourself and hunt down every single fucking treasure in this game if you want to. Odds are a few years from now, you will be playing this one again.


The Trophies:

Pretty straight forward for an FPS/RPG. Find shitt, kill shit, blow up shit.. but there is one trophy in every game when your going for platinum, that I call the "Fuck you" trophy.. It's usually a bronze. This game is no exception. 

The "Never Saw It Coming" trophy/achievement will piss you right the fuck off if you do not understand just what it is that you are supposed to do. Yes, you can get this one easily close to the first of the game, but if you do not.. it becomes a complete mother fucking cocksucker. I did not make this video, but i hope it helps to clarify this trophy for you. It truly does help.




The Bottom Line:

Story: 7.0
Gameplay: 9.0
Graphics: 9.0
Sound: 10.0
Lasting Appeal: 8.0
Trophies/Achievements: 8.0

Overall: 8.0 Excellent


    


       

Friday, May 17, 2013

Curious?

Just wanted to post this in case there was any questions.. this should answer them all.


Raptr Gamercard

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Let's chat, shall we..

Alright damn it.. I was determined to get the Psycho Saturday's post up this week.  I've just been extremely busy the last couple of weeks, as well as being sick.

So, at this point.. I would just like to have a little chat with you guys. To let you know what's been going on with the blog.. and what I have been doing over the last few weeks. I will also talk about the plans I have for the future.

With the addition of Death in Eternity to the blog, we are able to produce a better level of quality entertainment for you.  He's basically kicked it up a notch. Now we have the podcast available on youtube for you to enjoy.. or detest.. depending on your level of willpower.  And if you did enjoy the podcast, thank him.. he worked hard to bring that to life.


 If you listened to the podcast you will remember Agent.. he is going to be a reappearing guest.

I am planing to give away prizes in the near future.. That's right.. real free shit.  Details on that will be revealing themselves soon, but it will be for blog members only.. so SIGN UP.  You can't win if your not signed up. Most people on facebook force you to like shit just to win stuff, I mearly ask you to sign up for the blog.

 I am looking into opening a store soon.  Selling everything from video games to ultraviolet codes to hand crafted jewelry.

I know these thoughts are kind of scattered, but bear with me.

 This week on the podcast we will have a very special guest, so don't miss it.

We are also planning boost sessions for PS3 games, so if you need multiplayer help getting trophies.. comment and let me know what games. And we'll get that rolling.

So far the schedule looks like this:

Sunday: N/A
Monday: N/A
Tuesday: New Podcast
Wednesday: Death's Article
Thursday: New rant article
Friday: "What the fuck is this?" day
Saturday: Psycho Saturdays

We are working on new content for Sunday and Monday, and we are also still looking for talent to be an author here on the site, so email me if you are interested.

Thanks for listening to my thoughts, if you have any ideas you'd like to see us produce.. comment and let us know.

You guys are awesome.
Stay that way.

K


















Thursday, May 9, 2013

Thursday's Topic: What the fuck is this?


Would anybody care to explain what the fuck this is..?  This shit washed up onto the beach in New Zealand recently..  More Info?  Click the youtube link.


Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Rage of Thrones by Axis of Awesome




I have been following this band for awhile and I thought you should too. lol. Check them out, pretty funny shit.

Monday, May 6, 2013

+1, The insanity deepens.

Everybody welcome to the blog.. Death In Eternity.

In response to my recent ad, I found someone who will cover the PC angle of tech.  And will be posting random other shit as well..

So, buckle the fuck up.. this shit just became a tag team thing.


Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Podcasts From The GFGN (Warning: Offensive)

This is a list of the pod casts we did at The GFGN, in case you want to hear more. Warning though, most are extremely offensive. These are a little dated, but funny none-the-less.  Enjoy. These are some of the ones I could salvage.



#8
Hello, this week we talk about the PSN outage, Mass Effect 3 being delayed, and reliance on multiplayer.
    The Grenade Free Gaming Podcast # 8 by thegfgn


 #9.
  GFGNpodcast9 by thegfgn 


 #10!!!!!!   The Grenade Free Gaming Podcast # 10 by thegfgn-1 



 #11
    The Grenade Free Gaming Podcast #11 by mikemicp_107


#12
Check out the new podcast with Warmuff, Dialgamarine, and Knightedrik.
The Grenade Free Gaming Podcast #12 by mikemicp_107


#13





Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon Trophy List







Welcome to the party, pal
Finished Helicopter Entry

One Small Step
Finished First Garrison

Way to Go, Garri-Son
Finish all the Garrisons

Kill Them All
Finish all the Predator's Path Quests

End Game
Finished Final Showdown

Nice Like Jesus
Finish all the Hostages Situations

Murder Nature
Kill all the Animal Types

Set Them Free
Destroy 5 Braincages

Just the Tip
Kill a Dragon with the Bow

Blood Dragon Down
Kill Your First Dragon

Dragon Slayer
Kill 25 Dragons

What are You Reading For?
Find all of Dr. Carlyle's Notes

The Greatest Format of all Time
Find all VHS Tapes

Hail to the King
Reach Maximum Level and Become the Ultimate Badass

Running man
After saving Darling, enter Combat Mode with a Dragon and Return to Stealth

Tooled Up
Own all Weapons Attachments

Derp
Jump Down from 50 Meters

The Drug of the Nation
Find all TV SETS to Decrypt the Hidden Message

The Only True Stopper
Headshot Every Type of Enemy

Perhaps you need to listen?

The truth is.. well.. here.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Micro-Transactions Rant







Ok.. I thought we'd ease back into this with and easy target.  The battle lines have been drawn, and we've even yet to see the war.

There are many facets to this subject, and as much as I would like to mention all of them.. let's focus on the ones that really hit home for everyone.

I'd like to give a shout out to SA-CharlieLima1 and DEATHINETERNATY from PSN for suggesting this topic. Fuck both of you for making me write this shit. lol.. j/k.

I remember back in the day, when I was just a little bastard, and the internet was mearly a wet dream of Al Gore's. We had the NES. That's the Nintendo Entertainment System for those of you who are to drunk to be reading this. The games we had then were far from perfect, but they set the stage for what was to come. An onslaught of awesome for years to come.  These games were hard as nails, and if you couldn't succeed in completing them.. they just laughed in your face while skull fucking your temper into a blood soaked rage.

 That being said, you knew this when you bought it. You buy the ticket and take the ride.

But, over the years.. I've noticed games are getting much easier.  And now, these days.. most games can be finished in a few hours or so. This is because of two reasons:

1. People don't care to aquire the same amount of skill that was needed years ago. And Dev's know that.

2, People are fucking retarded, due to the fact that they feel entitled.

You know it, you've seen it with your own eyes.. so fuck you, I'm just the one to point this out.

Most gamers today fucking suck.

It's nothing personal. It's just that they simply don't care.

You see this everywhere.

It's mostly because of the fuck it "team mentality" that games like Call of Duty amply provided. Why be the best, when I can be on the team WITH the best. These people are the barnacles on the asses of gaming everywhere.

 Either that, or they are drunk, high, stupid, or 12 years old. Most of the time, it a combination of more that a few of the previously fore-mentioned.

That brings me to another point, People.. keep your god damn kids off Mature rated games. But that's another post entirely.


Now that that's out of the way..

I will say this, alot of people spent alot more money these days then in the golden age of gaming.

And dev's know this too.

It's one thing to sell enhancements for a game.. like say something that might make the game more fun or easier for your second time through. Or, even maybe something that might help the drunk/retard crowd get though the first few hours. (Darksiders 2) But, when you start to go down that road, it begins to get really dark. And to tell the truth.. we haven't even reached dusk yet.

 I said it before, and I will say it again.. There's a huge fucking crash coming, and I hope to hell you have your helmets on.

More and more now, we are starting to see games being made simply to sell extra shit.

This "free to play" shit is just gearing up, and if your not careful.. before you know it you'll be sucking a dick to get $5 in order to buy pink fuzzy slippers for your dragonmaster/cleric/dildo merchant to wear while annoying the fuck out of me in game.

It's just begun, and I'm already hating it. Yes.. hating it.

Fuck you people. Have some god damn restraint. You, yes.. you. You are ruining gaming.  The only reason developer's make this stupid shit, is because they know you will buy this stupid shit.

Fucking stop it.



It's invading everywhere I look. I can't even sit down to play a simple fucking game of golf without being prompted into buying way overpriced shit that I do not need.

As a matter of fact, damn near ever EA game has this shit going on currently, and it's only encouraging the indie studio's to do the same. Alot of the games you see poping up on PSN and XBLA have this method of robbing your wallet.

I blame the fucking MMORPG's (god knows I love them) for starting this dumb shit.

So, please remember, next time you fire up a new game.. and it asks you to spend even more money than you spent for the game itself.. Think about what your doing.. To yourself as a gamer, to gaming as a whole, and to the economy. Stop buying stupid shit.

God forbid that have to make a game good enough to sell on it's own merits.. right.

You know what, fuck it.. your not going to listen to me..

 Blow all of your cash on stupid shit, suck a mountain of dicks.. just remember to log off the fucking planet when your done.



Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Psycho Saturdays will continue..

Psycho Saturday is what I have always called my game reviews, the next one will be up the soon. I will also be posting a few other things this week. So, sign up for the site.. and they will be emailed right to your inbox.

 Enjoy..

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

If I have made you laugh..

..and you enjoy your time here.. Feel free to donate. All amounts accepted.












The money will be put to a good cause. And thank you from the bottom of my heart. My assistant gathers all funds for the blog.

Final Fantasy X-III Review (PS3)

Ok.. so here we go. Alot of you knew this was coming.. and before I get started, I would like to let you guys know that alot has been going on lately. We here at the GFGN have been going through some staff changes, as well as wondering which way the whole SOPA thing was going to go. So, I guess we kind of took a mini-vacation.  To tell the truth, unless you want to hear even more about Battlefucked 3 or Modern Whorefare 73, there really hasn't been much going on since around November. So, soon we will have a bit more of everything. Videos, walkthroughs, reviews, and even stupid fucking posts written only to make you laugh. So, without delaying this shit any further..

Final Fantasy XIII-2

null

After the meth induced shit-fest that is FFXIII was released, fans of the series started to bitch. And bitch they did.. so much so.. that the rep's at Square-Enix came right out and said "We have no idea what the fuck you people want anymore."

While I kind of stood silently in dis-belief, I couldn't help but wonder how they could not hear the collective voices of 70 million fans screaming in unison.. "Remake Final Fantasy 7 you cunts."

That being said.. here's Final Fantasy XIII-2.. Square-Enix's own unique way of saying.. "We really don't like money."

So let's break it down, shall we?

The Good:
 It does seem like SE did try to appease the few fans they have left.. They took FFXIII back to the drawing board, and found a way to inject the very things that the masses were bitching about.

Don't want to click the X button 76 million times? We fixed that.
Want more playable characters? We fixed that.. kind of.
Want mini games? How much money do you have?
Final Fantasy XIII was to straight forward? Well best of fucking luck.. we hope you don't like getting lost.

While they seemed to fix most of these problems, it comes off like some kind of smart ass response.


The Bad:
I can't help but mention that the things they did to make this game better, also made it worse.

Instead of having a more strategic overview, they dumbed it down. Still thinking the same failed logic of "Western players do not like difficult games". With the introduction of "Easy" mode and the auto battle system.. even the shittiest of shitty players could breeze through this game and at least get the story. There is still parts that are slightly challenging for the 100% crowd.. but you would be surprised how many people just don't give a shit about that.

As for playable characters.. you get 2. Sure other characters make a return appearance, although briefly.. and you do get to "recruit" monsters to fight with you. The monster part is pretty much simple, kill a monster and you can use it from then on. The 2 character you do get, still suffer from the same curse that FF games have has since FFX, once upgraded.. they can all do the same exact shit. Making them seem bland and generic.

Mini-games have made a full on return in FFXIII-FU.. This being in my mind as I played though the game.. and at about the 10 hour mark, I reached a giant palace. Outside is a casino ticket in a floating retarded orb they like to call a treasure chest. And I'm thinking, "Finally, I get to check out the mini-games! I hope it's kind of like the Golden Saucer from FF7!" I walk up to the giant doors of the "casino" only to find out that they are locked. "Shit", I thought to myself.. "How much longer are they going to make me wait?" After completing a bit more of the story, I arrived back at the "casino" to find the doors wide open. "O hell ya!" I said as I jammed my way through the worthless text the bitch was spitting out. "This is going to be awesome." After 20 minutes trying to figure out just where the fuck I buy casino coins.. I can't help buy think, "Where are all the games?"  Finally, I get my coins.. but after walking around a bit.. there are only 2 fucking games! Chocobo racing and slot machines. "Fuck!", "There has to be more, right? After all this fucking build-up, there must be more than 2 fucking games!" So, I explore.. and come across an NPC in the main plaza, whose only job was to tell me to "Come back later, some parts of the park are still under construction!"

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You know what, Fuck you Square-Enix! What an incredible dick move, making players PAY for mini games. Fuck you right in your poorly aging, cancerous asshole..

Anyway...


The Story:
 My sister disappears at the end of the last game, and now I must quest my ever-loving fucking ass off to find her.. Sound familiar? It should.. it's the same exact story from FFX-2, minus a penis.
Seriously, there is no story.. it's like they said, "Fuck it.. let's just take that Chrono Trigger 3 game we were going to make, fuck it up completely.. throw in some chocobos and a moogle and get fucking paid!"

The Gameplay:
The fighting has kind of stayed the same from FFXIII.. with a few overall tweeks. Everything flows alot smoother.. and as I said before, with the "retard" button.. you should have no problems other than changing paradigms. The game is no longer 50 hours in a narrow hallway though. Now you will struggle to fumblefuck your way through the overwhelming time gate system. You will have to explore areas to find artefacts to open time portals in order to continue the story. You have the normal timeline, the timeline after it has been changed, the alternate timeline, and the timeline where they just say fuck it and do cocaine in the Taco Bell drive thru.  Throw in some chocobo racing, and farming for crap to raise your monster friends levels.. and that's pretty much it.

The Graphics:
Nothing much has changed here.. seems they used the same graphics engine they used in FFXIII. And if anyone knows how to shine up a turd.. it's Square-Enix.

The Sound:
The background music in this game is unbelievable one minute, your roaming through a town while a melodic tune plays on, and then upon encountering a boss fight.. japan death metal. Just wow.. it works out better than you think it would.

The Lasting Appeal:
This I guess, would depend on your attention span. Although while not a bad game.. it is a bad Final Fantasy game. You can get lost in this game for hours, and that's a definite plus. But with all the really awesome games upcoming.. you might want to wait on a lull in your list to snag this. Overall, I would say 1 playthrough and done.

The Bottom Line:
Story: 4.0
Gameplay: 6.0
Graffics: 10.0
Sound: 8.0
Lasting Appeal: 2.0

Overall: 6.0

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Dead Island Review (PS3)

 Most of you reading this think one of two things.. Either I am absolutely insane, or I am completely opinionated.  And actually, it's kind of a little bit of both. You see, when sitting down to write this review.. I am somewhat of a loss for words. Maybe this is help to clear up your confusion:

I fucking love this piece of shit game.

You get it? Cause I don't.

I fully believe this is a fantastic game. I also fully believe this is a fucking piece of shit.

I know it's strange.. but that's how I feel about it. I spent about 20 hours playing thru the game in 3 player co-op, with my good friends JFizzleback and XcYco, and even played quite a bit by myself.. and I am still kind of confused.

So, in addition to this weeks review.. we are going to explore this from the frayed, borderline psychotic standpoint of an "opinionated" first class internet asshole.

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Dead Island Review By Knightedrik

Going into this game, I heard several things.. but the number one thing was "This game is like a cross between Oblivion and Left 4 Dead."  And knowing that, how the hell can you not give this game half a chance? Upon starting up.. you choose your favorite stereo-type (Redneck drunken asshole, aborigine ex-police officer, washed up rapper, or Ms. Swan from Mad Tv) and your off on your way.

 At the start you are simply trying to escape the hotel.. After searching a few dark rooms, and gathering several hundred dollars from wallets.. I round a corner and hear: "Run! It's the infected! Get to the end of the hall!".  And while making the choice of directions as to "where the fuck is the end of the hall", I get brutally gang raped by 4-6 zombies.. and killed in about 2 hits.

Fuck..

 That pretty much sets tone for the rest of game.. You die about every 12 seconds, skill won't help you.. and lingering is the thought "This game fucking hates me."

 That being said.. I'll try and not throw in any spoilers.

The Good:
 The game attempts to be one thing early on, and something completely different later on towards the end.  In the beginning it really is like having the first real FPS/RPG/Survival Horror/open world game.  There are plenty of weapon choices, equip the best and sell the rest.. in order to get enough money to buy the shit you need to craft the best of your weapons into better weapons. The island is quite large, with the map being close in size to the size of the map in Infamous 2. The island is beautiful, the problem is you won't be there for long.

The Bad:
  Sometime about halfway through the game.. you start to slowly realize that the open world thing is rather lacking, and all the "fetch" quests seem to pile up to the point you almost don't care anymore. The game ends up feeling shallow.

The Story:
   The story consists of basically a series of quest, with very few short cutscenes to expedite it along in the slow parts. If only doing the main quests, this game could probably be completed in about 6-7 hours. You pretty much have but one goal.. To survive the island. Personally I find this hilarious, because all you do is die.
  If you are playing single player, you will reload to the last "checkpoint" upon death. In multi-player you will simply re-spawn in 7 seconds.  The problem here is that in single player the checkpoint system is rather spread out.. meaning you might have to do the same shit a few times in a row in order to progress. In multi-player, they seem to re-spawn you where ever the fuck they feel like it. It could seriously be between 10 feet to 5 miles away from your "team".  And with everybody dying all the god damn time, it makes it kind of hard to keep any kind of order to things.. and the game feels more "chaotic" than it should.  All in all, the story here is basically non-existant.

The Gameplay:
   Imagine is you will, if a games like Oblivion and Far Cry had a watered down, slightly retarded, generic offspring.. with zombies.
"This is a zombie game man, where are all the guns?".. you might ask.
 "Guns you say, HA! Here's a dildo.. ram some nails through it and fuck straight off!" says this shitty game.
 Gameplay is as follows.. Jack wallets, kill shit, make weapons, kill more shit, complete sidequests, kill even more shit.. all while trying like hell to upkeep your 2,000/1 kill death ratio. That's pretty much it.. so if sticking an electrified katana up a zombies ass sounds fun to you.. then you have found a masterpiece.

The Graphics:
   Being one of the shining points in the game.. the graphics are quite good. Chapter 1 will have you out for a stroll on the beaches.. which are nearly stunning.. but after that it goes to more of a "Resident Evil" kind of setting, buildings, hallways..etc. Everything looks good.. but the first impression is the best your gonna get.
The Sound:
   From the moaning of zombies, to the cries of the flocks of seagulls over head.. the game is quite solid in the sound department. All the bone jarring force of hitting a zombie with a sledgehammer translates very well thanks to the feedback in the controller.. which is perfectly sync'ed with the sound of bashing in a zombies ribcage.
The Lasting Appeal:
   This is where most games have their most obvious weak point. After you beat the game, and reach the max level.. what is there to do? Nothing.. nothing at all. This game is rather short and sweet.. and when it's over.. it's over. Which in turn means, if you have been wanting to pick up this game.. wait a few weeks, this game is destined for the bargain bin.
   One more thing I would like to say about the lasting appeal of this game, Resetting everybody's stats on day 2 via a fucked up patch, does not encourage me to purchase your shitty game.
The Trophies:
  The trophies are pretty easy for this game.. that is of course if they fucking work. I got this game from Gamefly.. and I liked it.. release day I played it for about 12 straight hours. Upon resuming to play this game on the second day.. there was a patch to be downloaded. Which long story short.. reset everyones stats back to zero. Alot of the trophies are for achieving a milestone in your stats. 250 blunt kills, 250 sharp weapon kills, 250 kills with guns, drive X miles.. all reset due to stupidity or sadism, I haven't figured out which yet. So, on the second day, I had to restart working on all of those trophies that required grinding. Fuck you Deep Silver.

All in all, I did have fun playing this game. The multiplayer is much more fun than the single player.. so if you have a couple of friends, your ready to roll. But, I would not buy this game again. Rent it, if you do want to buy it.. wait about a month and it will be the same cost as a happy meal.


The Bottom Line:

Story:          3.0
Gameplay:       6.0
Multiplayer:    7.5
Graphics:       7.5
Sound:          6.5
Lasting Appeal: 2.0
Trophies:       4.0

Overall: 5.2